I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
