last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
