Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
