I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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