i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
