You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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