This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
