Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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