Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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