so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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