i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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