I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
