wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
