I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
