can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
