Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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