So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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