My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
