I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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