i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I stole a fireplace last night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
