Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
