okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
