Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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