If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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