Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just cropdusted the office
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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