i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
