just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
