dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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