Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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