Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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