I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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