i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
These tits shall not be calmed
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