don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
