i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
