If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
