cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
