She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
