If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
