Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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