She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
