I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
