The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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