I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
