Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
