he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
