I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My legs feel like baby dolphins
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
