I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
