Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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