You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
