I hate your face
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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