you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
