Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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