Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
