Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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