That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
