Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
