9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
