fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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