i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
