when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
