Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
