I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
