i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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