week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
