Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize