You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
