Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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