There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
