so that wasnt chicken after all
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
