checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i think my cat just said my name.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
